#31 Get What You Want - Advocate for Yourself at Work

Does the idea of asking for a promotion, raise, or recognition make you feel awkward or pushy? In this episode of Wise Women’s Workplace, we’re tackling the challenge of self-advocacy and showing you how to confidently communicate your value at work—without feeling uncomfortable or overstepping.

Learn how to shift your mindset about advocacy, prepare strategically for key conversations, and position your requests in a way that aligns with your manager’s goals and the organization’s success. Using practical strategies and real-life insights, I’ll guide you on how to:

• Frame your contributions with clarity and confidence.
• Prepare for conversations by focusing on results and outcomes.
• Approach advocacy as a collaborative, professional dialogue.

By the end of this episode, you’ll have actionable steps to take the lead in advocating for yourself, helping your career flourish while maintaining authenticity and professionalism.

Tune in and start showcasing your value today!

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More episodes on reporting:
#24 on Articulating Your Contributions with Confidence
#3 on Learning to Love Reporting

Transcript

Introduction

Hi, and welcome back to Wise Women’s Workplace! I’m your host, Anita Belitz, and today we’re diving into a topic that can feel a little uncomfortable for many of us—advocating for yourself at work.

Have you ever hesitated to ask for a promotion, a raise, a training that you wanted, or even just the recognition you deserve because you didn’t want to come across as pushy or self-centered? Maybe you’ve told yourself, “If I just keep working hard, it will be noticed and I’ll be rewarded.” I’ve been there too, and I get it - it can feel awkward to advocate for yourself. But waiting to be noticed often means being overlooked for a multitude of reasons. 

Advocating for yourself isn’t about being pushy or demanding. It’s about showing your worth in a way that feels natural, confident, and professional. By the end of today’s episode, you’ll have actionable strategies to help you confidently advocate for yourself and your needs at work - whether it’s asking for new responsibilities, negotiating a raise, or seeking recognition for a job well done.

Shifting Your Mindset About Advocacy

If you are having a hard time advocating for yourself, the first thing that you need to do is change how you think about it. Advocacy isn’t about arrogance - it’s about clarity, confidence, and tact. When you advocate for yourself, you’re helping others see the value you bring to the table - and will bring going forward - in a way that speaks to them. Think of it as a way to communicate your contributions, not to boast, and to let the other person know what you would like to receive in recognition for your accomplishments or efforts and the value that it will bring the organization.

If the thought of doing this makes you uncomfortable, here are some things to think about to help you reframe your mindset:

1. Focus on facts, not feelings: When you have this conversation with your boss, you are going to share your contributions based on real results, not on your opinion of yourself. By using data and concrete examples that highlight your impact, you’re going to help your boss arrive at the right conclusion about what you are capable of - that you are proficient at getting things done efficiently and effectively. 
2. Think about the bigger picture: When you advocate for yourself, you’re not just asking for what you want - you’re signaling to your boss that you’re aligned with the organization’s goals and priorities. This is important because it means that you are interested in contributing to the organization, that you are focusing on the most important work really that makes a difference, it demonstrates why your job is important and valuable to the organization, and how you getting whatever you are asking for is going to make all of that even better. And for most people, tying your successes or your request back to the success of the team, department, and organization is a much easier ask than focusing on yourself. 
3. Remember, it’s a conversation: Advocacy is about dialogue, not demands. You’re inviting others to recognize your value, not forcing them to agree with you. You want the conversation to feel like your request is a natural progression to whatever you are discussing. Like, by asking for and getting this thing you are ensuring that the good outcomes will surely continue. We don’t want to say it like a threat or even a promise, but more like these results can get even better as long as the right conditions are in place. With the right preparation, knowing how to make the ask, and with the right attitude this will flow much more smoothly and naturally. 
4. Help your boss help you! : Many managers want to be great managers but they don’t have crystal balls. I have mentioned many times I had a fantastic boss as a mentor but he was very bad about having review discussions. He often tried to avoid them and when I asked for them he just told me he was happy with my performance. But this was frustrating for me. And because he was such a great mentor and I respected him so much, when I started to need more resources I had a hard time asking him. It wasn’t his fault to be honest - it was that I felt that I shouldn’t bother him with making the ask. I think I also didn’t want him to be mad or disappointed by me asking. Or maybe I wanted to remain “Super Worker” in his mind, that I should be able to do everything on my own. But the truth is that you reach a point where you can’t do it all on your own. And I fell into that trap of thinking that he should notice and acknowledge my work and efforts on his own and spontaneously propose that I hire an assistant to help me out. But that’s pretty unrealistic. If you’re doing all the work, getting good results, aren’t sharing the challenges that you’re having and not asking for what you need to make things better, how can your boss know what you need? When I eventually felt like I was maxed out at capacity and getting fairly grumpy about not having anyone to help me with the more mundane but time-consuming tasks, and I finally asked my boss to get my first assistant, he asked me to outline why I needed one, I was offended! I was like “how do you think all of this work gets done, don’t you see how hard I’m working!?!” I had to quickly reign in my emotions on that conversation and ask him to come back to him with the details. And when I was preparing for that and we had the conversation, I realized how little I shared with him about the efforts I had to put in to get the results. And actually, when we had the conversation he agreed right away for me to get the assistant. There was no resistance. He wanted to help me. And he was even a little cheeky and was like “Good, then you can help me this other thing” which was a big project and more work. But I was happy, he was happy, I felt motivated, and it was really a win-win. So sometimes trusting in your boss, your boss’s appreciation for you and your work, sharing the challenges and providing them an easy way to say yes to something that makes good business sense is the best to go about it. So by preparing all the information and going in with the right attitude, you can really help your boss to help you, and make the whole thing a much more pleasant experience!  

Preparing for the Conversation

Now that you know how to get into the right mindset, it’s time to prepare for that conversation. Advocating for yourself effectively and comfortably means being strategic and organized about what you are going to say and what you are going to ask for. 

Here is what I suggest:

1. Put it on paper:
   • Take time to take stock of your contributions and write it out for yourself. Think about what have you achieved, and how has it benefited the team or organization. Make sure to be specific and detailed! Don’t start a long list of all of the things you’ve DONE, start a list of things you have ACHIEVED. If you have to think about what you’ve done, that’s fine, but make sure that your list is focused on OUTCOMES and IMPACT. Making a huge list of all the work you do can sound like you’re complaining and will make some managers feel like saying “well, you’re paid to work”. But if you come with specifics about what was completed and how that improved things, that saves your manager’s time in the conversation, it let’s you get to the point quicker, and you can make that ask on the back end of that positive news. And for all of you administrative employees out there that think that what you do is just routine work and can’t be “sexy” to report on, go listen to episode #24 on Articulating Your Contributions with Confidence and Episode 3 on learning to love reporting. 
   • Having a prepared list will help you feel more confident in your request and also will allow you to have an easy reference for your discussion.
2. Anticipate Questions:
   • Now it’s time to prepare the conversation. First think about what your manager might ask. Are they likely to want more data? Do they need to understand how your request aligns with team goals? Prepare your answers in advance. 
   • And be honest with yourself on this. if there are things that you aren’t doing perfectly - maybe you fell short of reaching your goals or didn’t hit a deadline - own up to it to yourself and be real to yourself about where you dropped the ball. If you think it wasn’t your fault, you can still acknowledge something like how you could have kept better tabs on how something was advancing.
   • Then think about how your manager might react. If you expect that your manager might ask what you feel are unfair questions or that they might start a laundry list of all the team problems but that don’t have bearing on what you are really asking about, prepare for that by knowing how to bring them back to the point of the conversation - don’t get pulled into a debate where you start to rehash past events or that it turns into a gripe session. It’s not that you (and they) don’t have the right to feel emotional about those things, it’s just that it isn’t going to help you to get to where you want to go in the conversation. Don’t dwell on this part of the preparation and get frustrated, but do acknowledge that it might come up so that you are prepared. Write down for yourself how you will handle the questions or the attitude so that you are being strategic about it in case it comes your way.  
   • And part of this preparation is thinking about how you will react to their answer, whether that’s a yes or no response or perhaps a push-back to talk about it at another time. Each of those scenarios is an opportunity! 
3. Practice Your Delivery:
   • The final step of preparation is to rehearse how you will present your case. First I suggest that you do this alone by going through the conversation yourself. Check in with your emotions, practice your delivery, and make sure you feel comfortable with how your questions and your responses sound. Do it out loud if you can because often things come out differently than planned in your brain. Once you are confident, you can even role-play with a trusted friend or mentor to fine-tune your approach, if you feel like that could help. I sometimes do this with clients and am purposefully difficult to help them practice getting control of their nerves and to elegantly handle the hard questions and feedback! 

Having the Conversation Without Feeling Pushy 

When it’s time to advocate for yourself, approach the conversation with confidence and professionalism. If you have prepared as I just suggested, this should really be a lot easier than if you haven’t. 

Here are some key strategies:

• Start with a brief introduction:
  • This really depends on why the conversation is taking place. Is it part of an established meeting? Or did you request the meeting to specifically talk about your request? This definitely impacts the way that the conversation will happen.  
  • In particular, who is leading the conversation? If it is part of another meeting your boss may bring up the subject of what your discussion is about and this is your chance to bring it up as a “I wanted to talk about that with you” kind of approach. If the meeting is specifically because you have asked for the meeting and only about that, your boss may simply hand it over to you to go ahead and jump in and get started.  
• Be Direct, Collaborative & Present Your Case Clearly:
  • I find it is always best to get straight to the point about what you are asking for and to link that directly to performance. You can sometimes prepare the conversation with a statement like “I have good news and a question!” This usually prepares the other person for what is coming and as you are laying out the successes they are listening to you with what I call “specific intent”. They are listening for if what you are saying is good news and how it measures up to what you are going to ask about.  
  • First share the results. A great way to do so it to use the STAR method (Situation, Task, Action, Result) to structure your points. For example:
    • “In the past quarter, I took on the task of [specific responsibility]. As a result, [specific outcome], which [benefit to team or organization].”
  • Then, make your request clear, but make sure to frame it as part of a partnership. For example:
    • “Based on the results I’ve achieved, I’d like to discuss taking on [new responsibility or role] to contribute even more to the team’s goals.”
• Stay Open to Feedback:
  • Advocacy is a two-way conversation. Be ready to listen to their perspective and adjust your approach if needed.
  • If they push back the conversation or say no, you can ask them to be specific about what it would require to have the thing happen. This allows you to prepare the conversation for next time. And if your request is a deal-breaker from your perspective, then you have clarity and can start thinking about what your next step should be.
• End with Appreciation:
  • End by thanking the person for their time and acknowledging their support. For example, “Thank you for taking the time to meet with me. I really appreciate your guidance on [specific project or task].”

Summary of Learning Points for How to Advocate for Yourself

Let’s quickly summarize what we’ve covered today. Advocating for yourself is a skill that can boost your confidence, help you get what you want, and position you for success in your career. It doesn’t have to feel like you are being pushy, and you don’t have to be scared of having those conversations with your boss, as long as you are prepared! 

Here are the main points to remember:

• Shift your mindset: Advocating for yourself isn’t about being demanding or pushy - it’s about showcasing your contribution with clarity and confidence. 
• Prepare strategically: Know why your contributions are important, anticipate questions, and practice your delivery to approach the conversation with confidence.
• Approach conversations professionally: Present your case clearly, link your request to future successes, stay open to feedback, and make sure to be ready to ask for clarification if you don’t get the answer you were hoping for.

When you advocate for yourself effectively, you’re not just asking for what you want—you’re demonstrating your leadership potential and strengthening your position within the organization.

Conclusion

I hope today’s episode has inspired you to start advocating for yourself in a way that feels authentic and empowering for you. Remember, advocating for yourself isn’t about being pushy—it’s about showing your value, helping others see what you bring to the table, and asking for what you need.

This week, I encourage you to identify one area where you can start advocating for yourself—whether it’s requesting more responsibility, a training that you are interested in following, or seeking recognition for your achievements. Practice the steps we’ve covered today, and take that first step toward making your voice heard.

As always, if you want a career and life that makes you happy, be mindful of what you’re doing and take deliberate actions every day. Don’t just survive—take steps to thrive! Until next time, may you be healthy, wealthy, and wise!