#29 Handle “Constructive” Feedback Like a Pro

Ever felt a sting from receiving feedback, especially when it’s constructive criticism? In this episode of Wise Women’s Workplace, we’re breaking down how to embrace feedback as a tool for growth and development, instead of something to dread. You’ll learn practical strategies to stay calm, gain clarity on feedback specifics, and transform input into actionable steps to fuel your career progress. 

Join me as we uncover the mindset shifts and techniques that make receiving feedback a positive, empowering experience. This episode is a must-listen for anyone wanting to level up by turning critiques into catalysts for success!

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Transcript

Handling Feedback Like A Pro - Wise Women's Workplace Podcast - Episode 29

Hello, and welcome back to Wise Women’s Workplace! I’m your host, Anita Belitz, and today we’re talking about getting feedback. More specifically, how to handle constructive feedback—also known by many as constructive criticism—how to handle it like a pro and how turn it into a powerful tool for your development.

Sometimes feedback feels like a punch to the gut when delivered the wrong way. In the moment, it’s natural to feel defensive, hurt, or even frustrated. But feedback, even when it’s hard to hear, is one of the most valuable tools for improving yourself—both personally and professionally. It’s not about taking the criticism as a personal attack; it’s about using it to grow. If someone takes the time to give you feedback, know that you are getting their time and attention and, hopefully, their vote of confidence that you can improve and progress. So let’s try to focus on the positive aspects of feedback, even when it feels hard to do so. 

By the end of today’s episode, you’ll have practical strategies to help you handle feedback with confidence, use it constructively, and maybe even turn it into a blueprint for growth!

The Right Way and The Wrong Way to Give Feedback

Before we get into how to handle the feedback, I want to take a moment to focus on how the feedback is given. 

Is it ok if I’m honest with you managers out there? 

I often see managers feeling deflated, judgy or all around bad after giving feedback. And often team members likewise feel completely deflated, judged and attacked after receiving feedback. 

And as managers we know that giving feedback is necessary to help the team perform at their best and to help them grow. Plus, I’m sure you want to be a great mentor as well as a great manager and inspire your team and help them thrive at work.  And I understand that if you aren’t trained to give feedback it isn’t something that most people are born to know how to do. 

But if you could feel good and your team member could feel good after your exchange and the right results followed after your discussion, wouldn’t it be worth it? If so, then do you think it could be worth it to get some training? 

Many managers default to direct feedback because it gets things done as quickly as possible - you know, the ones that tell you exactly what you should be doing - like “start keeping your commitments!”. And some may think that they are softening things up with if-then feedback like “if you start keeping your commitments then others will trust you more” or some may give feedback under the guise of a compliment but which really feels like criticism “great job keeping that commitment!” and your left wondering what that was supposed to mean. 

It’s hard being across from that kind of feedback - it’s hard to know how to respond, how not to get defensive, how to keep your emotions in control. So what I would like to focus on is what is known as impact feedback from the manager’s point of view. It is a technique that good managers use to give feedback and invites discussion and understanding over judgement and criticism. 

But what if you have a manager that isn’t trained in impact feedback? Or has a personality that gets in the way of having an open discussion? 

What I suggest is that you try to turn the tables during the feedback discussion so that YOU can be the one to initiate a more constructive discussion and generally just feel better about the whole exchange. If done carefully - without making your manager feel attacked or like you are being defensive or shirking responsibility - it can be a great way to get to the heart of the issue so that you can course-correct your actions and get back on the right path to moving forward in your work.  

 The process is fairly simple: You need to 

• Detach emotionally and stay open
• Ask for clarification and specifics
• Turn feedback into an action plan

Let’s look at each step in more detail.

Step 1: Detach Emotionally and Stay Open
The first strategy for handling feedback like a pro is to detach emotionally. This is easier said than done, but it’s essential if you want to use feedback constructively.

When you receive feedback—especially what feels like harsh criticism—it’s natural to feel defensive or emotional. As humans, our brains are wired to avoid risks and criticism certainly can feel risky - like it could be a step in the direction of us underperforming or losing our job, so this definitely goes in the direction of worrying about our livelihood - and more basically our survival. But the key is to recognize that feedback isn’t meant to be an attack on you as a person - it’s about your work or behavior in a specific context and what is considered desirable by your manager.  When you separate your emotions from the feedback, you’re in a much better position to evaluate it objectively and decide how to act on it. Sometimes it may be that you’ve done something wrong and need to learn how to do it right. Sometimes it may be a preference that your manager has for doing things differently than what you have done, and even if you don’t agree, there could be a very good and reasonable reason that your manager has that preference. Those are situations where, if you remove the emotion from the situation, you are likely reasonable enough to make the adjustments without getting into an uncomfortable situation. But maybe - like we said - your boss isn’t good at giving feedback and was clumsy in the feedback given or maybe they are the one that is feeling emotional and this is influencing how you are feeling. But the key is to detach and stay open. 

Here are some tips to do just that: 

• Take a deep breath when receiving feedback. Give yourself a moment to absorb it before reacting.
• Remind yourself that feedback is about growth, not judgment. It’s a tool to help you get better, not a personal attack. Remind yourself that your boss may be feeling uncomfortable as well and could be having a hard time expressing themselves in a constructive way. 
• And if the feedback feels harsh, try to stay calm and thank the person for their input. You can process the emotions later, but in the moment, stay open to what they’re saying.

The next time you receive feedback, practice taking a deep breath before you even go into the discussion and reminding yourself to mentally separate the feedback from your emotions. In the meeting, focus on the content, not how it makes you feel in the moment and remind yourself that you can deal with the emotion at a later stage.

Step 2: Ask for Clarification and Specifics
This is especially important when the feedback isn’t clear to you. Often, feedback can be vague, and it’s hard to know exactly what to improve. And a sweeping statement can feel like a sweeping criticism, when that isn’t what is intended.  That’s where asking for specifics comes in.

What does this look like?
If someone says, “You need to work on following through on your commitments (your communication),” that’s pretty broad. Before responding, you can ask questions like, “Can you give me an example of where I fell short on following through on my commitments?” especially if you feel like the statement comes out of nowhere or - if you know this is something that you need to improve but aren’t sure how you can do so - maybe you want to ask “How  specifically do you suggest I focus on improving my follow through?” Not only do you get a clearer understanding of what’s being critiqued and what actionable steps you can take, but it also gives you more insight into what has provoked this feedback and your manager’s need to talk to you about it.

Example:
Let’s say you are talking to your manager and share that you would like to have more responsibility and you’re told - to your surprise - that you need to improve your leadership skills. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by that broad feedback, you could ask, “What specific behaviors would you like to see from me as a leader that I am not currently showing?” This shifts the feedback from something abstract to something concrete that you can work on. Instead of feeling disappointed or wanting to be defensive, take time to consider what you are being told. I say it often, but I will repeat it here: Use silence to your advantage. Your boss may give you specific insights that are very helpful for you to understand how your work is being perceived and this will help you know where to focus your efforts. And if your boss asks why you aren’t saying anything, you can simply say “I am thinking about what you said. Thank you for your feedback.” Always make sure you thank the person who gave you feedback. Like I said in the beginning of the episode, if someone takes the time to give you feedback, they are trying to give you an opportunity to change. Whether you want to change or not will be up to you, but if you don’t receive the feedback in the first place, you won’t even have a choice. 

Action Step:
So next time you receive feedback, don’t be afraid to ask for specifics. It will help you understand the feedback better and give you a clearer path to improvement. Just make sure to calm your nerves, take a deep breath, and make sure your tone is neutral or inquisitive rather than defensive. 

This leads us to the last step: 

Step 3: Turn Feedback into an Action Plan
The final step is to take the feedback you’ve received and turn it into an action plan. This is where you move from hearing the feedback to actually using it to improve.

Once you’ve received feedback and clarified the specifics, create a plan to address it. Break it down into manageable steps. For example, if you’ve been told you need to work on time management, your action plan might include setting clearer priorities at the start of each week, using a task management system, or delegating more effectively.

In the example I gave about following through on commitments, you could build into your process a step that includes ensuring that you’ve followed through with all aspects of the task. If you are already doing that, you may discover that it isn’t about following through on commitments, but rather that sometimes you miss communicating to everyone that needs to know that you have completed the task. By reviewing your process you may identify these kinds of oversights and you can easily remedy them by adding this step to the process. 

If you are autonomous in your work, you can do these steps on your own and even have exchanges with people that potentially have been complaining about your work and set things clear on the new process. No need to be upset, just a simple conversation saying that you realized that the communication wasn’t always flowing as well as it could flow so this is how you’re changing the process and asking them if that works from their side. 

If you aren’t so autonomous in your work you may want to include your manager in the process to get support and guidance. Again, remember that the whole point is to improve the situation and learn from it, rather than getting upset or defensive. By focusing on improvement and keeping your emotions in check, you will be showing your professionalism and that will help build a reputation for reacting like a true leader for your team and department. 

Action Step:
So if you want to start practicing this, take a piece of feedback you’ve received recently and think about how you reacted and if you would now react differently in that same situation if given the chance. Then write down 2-3 actionable steps you can take to improve in that area to help consolidate how you will take the feedback and turn it into a growth opportunity. And check in on how you are feeling and if you can separate your emotions from the analysis of the situation and how you want to change your processes, for example.  

Summary of Learning Points
Before we wrap up, let’s quickly recap today’s key takeaways. Feedback can be uncomfortable, but it’s one of the most valuable tools for personal and professional growth. And you will likely receive feedback throughout your career. Learning how to handle it gracefully will help you feel better at work and will allow you to keep improving in your career.

Here are the main points to remember:

1. Detach emotionally and stay open: When you receive feedback, separate your emotions from the content. Focus on what the feedback is telling you, not how it makes you feel.
2. Ask for clarification and specifics: Don’t be afraid to ask questions to get a clearer understanding of the feedback. The more specific it is, the easier it will be for you to take action on.
3. Turn feedback into an action plan: Take the feedback you’ve received and break it down into actionable steps. This will help you use feedback as a tool for improvement.

By following these strategies, you’ll be able to handle feedback with confidence and turn it into a catalyst for growth.

Wrap Up
I hope today’s episode has helped you see feedback in a new light. Remember, feedback isn’t something to fear—it’s something to embrace as a tool for growth. Every piece of feedback, whether positive or not so positive, is an opportunity to become better, more knowledgeable, and more effective in your role.

This week, I encourage you to reflect on a piece of feedback you’ve received recently. Whether it was really tough to hear or something small, take a moment to think about how you received the feedback, what you would do differently next time, and then create an action plan around it. You might be surprised by how much progress you can make once you reframe feedback as an opportunity.

As always, if you want a career and life that makes you happy, be mindful of what you’re doing and take deliberate actions every day. Don’t just survive—take steps to thrive! I look forward to speaking with you again soon. Until next time, may you be healthy, wealthy, and wise!