Wise Women’s Workplace
Wise Women’s Workplace
#27 Set Boundaries Confidently: Protect Your Time and Energy
Do you often say yes to requests that drain your time and energy, even when you know it's not in your best interest? In this episode, we’ll tackle the challenge of setting boundaries—without feeling guilty. Learn how to protect your time and energy while still being a team player, and discover why saying no strategically can actually boost your credibility and performance. We’ll cover practical tips for setting clear, consistent boundaries, saying no with confidence, and offering alternatives when necessary. By the end of this episode, you’ll feel empowered to set boundaries that help you thrive, without sacrificing relationships or your career progress.
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Hi, and welcome back to Wise Women’s Workplace! I’m your host, Anita Belitz, and today’s episode is all about one of the most important, yet often one of the most difficult, skills you need in the workplace: setting boundaries.
Boundary setting is a vast topic and spans both our professional and personal lives. I will likely be doing multiple episodes on this topic but today will focus on when you are repeatedly being asked for help and you suspect you are offering it too often and it is getting you into a pickle.
So if you are someone who feels guilty for saying no when asked to help and you end up saying yes to things that drain your time and energy, even though you know it wasn’t in your best interest, this episode is for you. I’ve been there too, and trust me—you’re not alone. Saying no can be a huge challenge.
But here’s the thing: setting boundaries isn’t just about saying “no”— it’s about letting people know what they can expect from you, how to interact with you, and it’s about protecting your time, energy, and ability to lead effectively and complete your work professionally. It’s about knowing when to draw the line, so you can show up fully for the things that truly matter.
Today, we’ll talk about why boundaries are useful and I’ll give you practical strategies for setting boundaries with confidence—without feeling guilty. By the end of this episode, you’ll have a clear understanding of how to protect your time and energy while still maintaining positive relationships at work.
When I was starting out in my career, I helped everyone whenever I could. I come from a background where being service oriented, valuing collaboration and simply being nice and helpful are really important. And it was fun. I liked the variation in my work, I liked helping people, I got a rush from moving projects forward, and I loved being the person that people went to when they needed something. To be honest, I never really felt like people were taking advantage of me and I didn’t have a hard time saying no to tasks that weren’t interesting to me.
But what I did notice was that the more I helped some people, the more those people asked for my help. And while it’s hard to put my finger on precisely the tipping point or how to articulate it, there was definitely a moment where I no longer felt like I was helping, it felt more like an obligation. Now, when it was colleagues it wasn’t hard for me to start giving a bit of pushback, but when it was someone in a higher position or a position where I knew they had a direct line to my boss, it felt much more difficult. Like I said, I kind of loved being the go-to person - it felt powerful and dynamic somehow - so I would easily get into these situations of helping superiors and feeling like it was a great way to get noticed. And it was! I often got great feedback and it helped me build great relationships.
But I was not being strategic about it at the time. And this was definitely a problem over time. The more I said yes, the more I was expected to say yes, and the more risky - or potentially consequential - it felt to say no. And while it WAS interesting to be exposed to these different projects at the same time it led me into a bad period of prolonged overtime. It was hard and tiring, but I was still ok with it. But I finally had a wake up call when my boss - who gave me lots of freedom of initiative in my work - asked me where we were on a project and I had to explain to him that I was behind on it and it was because I had been helping someone else at work with their project. That was an uncomfortable conversation, to say the least. My boss was great though - he was always kind and took time to explain things and so we had a moment of setting priorities and a good discussion about how much help and support to give others. It taught me I had to get better at setting some boundaries and focusing on my work first, then helping others.
Needless to say, I started to set better boundaries and to say no more often. And you know what happened? Nothing bad! People weren’t mad at me, no one said nasty things to me, and even good stuff started happening - I had more time for my own work, I wasn’t working as late, I was more focused on my own stuff. This made me think alot about what I should focus on at work to get ahead and it made me see that I could have more impact when I protected myself from spreading myself too thin. And the combination of understanding where to put my efforts for impact with the improvement of setting boundaries really laid the groundwork for upleveling my career!
So how can YOU start setting better boundaries?
Setting Clear, Consistent Rules :
Before you can start implementing better boundaries, you need to create clear, consistent rules for yourself and for others. When you HAVE established guidelines in place, it’s much easier to protect your time and energy without feeling like you’re being unsupportive or uncollaborative because you have a legitimate reason in your mind as to why you set certain boundaries and why you are saying no when asked for help.
What does this look like?
If you’re a manager that helps your team whenever they have a question - maybe with an open door policy- this might mean setting specific hours during the day when you’re available for meetings or questions, and making it clear when you need uninterrupted time to focus. And if you aren’t a manager yet, this may mean getting clear on the rules that you will use when deciding if you want to help out colleagues or not.
Example:
I used to let people walk into my office whenever they had a question but I learned that one way to avoid overextending myself was to block out specific times on my calendar for focused work. I let my team know, “I’m available for meetings and questions after 10, but from 8-10, I’m focused on my own work, so unless it’s urgent, let’s connect after 10.” This allowed me to protect my time without cutting off communication entirely. And I did take very short breaks to say hi to the team and answer quick questions, for example. And I found that having a set deadline like that allowed me to be very productive during those few hours. At first some members of my team weren’t very enthusiastic about this new rule but, people quickly got used to this set up.
What I also discovered was that the more I let them ask for help whenever they had a question, the more they would come to ask. It was convenient for them but didn’t push them to find a solution on their own. Once I was making myself less available, people got better at figuring things out themselves. So this is also a good lesson for those of you who aren’t yet managers: the more you help, the more people will seek your help. Before accepting to help someone, make sure you have thought about WHY you would help in this situation. Is the request related to your work? Why does it make sense for you to help? Are they asking you because you are more junior and their perception is that you have free time available? You need to be clear about why you would help and if it isn’t the right reason, you should definitely start saying no.
And if you aren’t clear on what you should help with and what you have the right to say no to, ask your manager to help you think through some guiding principles. And if your boss isn’t helpful - because many managers don’t think in these terms unfortunately - then take a moment to ask yourself what’s the best guideline for yourself.
Here’s something simple to ask yourself: How will you report on this in your next meeting with your manager?
- If you realize that you would skip sharing this with your manager, you may want to skip on helping out because it likely means you know you should be spending your time on your own work instead.
- If you think your manager would want you to help out, think about how you will explain how this contributes to or links to your own work so that you still get some credit for doing this. If it doesn’t - again - you may want to skip on helping out this time.
- And if you can clearly explain how this makes sense that you help out, why you have extra time on your hands to give them your support, that your manager is happy that you put resources to doing this, then MAYBE this is the right time to say yes to give some support. But please think about the message that you are sending out. I know we want to be helpful and be team players, but it can be a slippery slope. It’s really important to keep your boss in the loop in these instances so that if you suddenly need to refocus on your own work or you fall behind on your own work because you are helping someone else, you have your boss’s support. (And likewise, I would recommend that you keep your boss in the loop if you are asking someone else for their support so that your boss knows realistically what to expect you to be able to handle timewise, and so that if something goes differently than expected, you aren’t left having to have a difficult conversation with your boss about how you got into a jam in the first place.)
Action Step:
So, look at your normal day and identify one area where you could set a clear boundary—whether that’s blocking off time for focused work or setting limits on how and when people can request your help. Consistency is key here, so once you’ve set the rule for yourself, make sure to stick to it!
Saying No Without Guilt :
Now comes the real challenge for most people in setting boundaries: saying no without feeling guilty. This is especially tough for those of us who want to be seen as helpful, supportive, accommodating, and nice. But here’s the truth: saying no or setting limits doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you strategic and it’s also a way to let people know your work rules and what to expect from you.
What does this look like?
When someone asks you to take on a task that doesn’t align with your priorities or isn’t feasible for you, it’s okay to say no. You can do it politely and without burning bridges. It takes practice and the first time is probably the most difficult - especially with someone that you are used to always saying yes to. It may be hard for you to get the right words out of your mouth and for the other person it may be surprising or a little disappointing even. But they will get over it, and the subsequent times it should start to be easier for you.
Example:
Let’s say a colleague asks you to help with something, but you’re already overloaded with work. Instead of immediately agreeing and putting yourself in a tough spot, you could say something like, “I’d love to help, but I’m currently focused on work to meet a deadline. Maybe next time.” You just have to make sure to stay firm in your response. Your colleague may try to insist or to convince you by asking details about what you’re doing, but as I have mentioned in other episodes, use silence to your advantage. If you can stop yourself from explaining too much or feeling pressured to fill the silence by providing excuses or saying how sorry you are that you can’t help, you may be pleasantly surprised by how quickly the person moves on to ask someone else for help.
Action Step:
As an exercise, think about a situation where you struggle to say no and try to come up with a polite but firm response that sets a clear boundary. Think along the lines of saying something like “I appreciate the opportunity, but I need to focus on my own work at the moment.” Practice your response, so it feels natural the next time you need to use it.
OK, so, you’ve figured out what kind of boundaries you want to set for yourself and for others, thought about why you would or wouldn’t help someone out and how you can say no in a way which feels ok to you and makes sense from a work perspective! But some of you may be wondering how can you say no in a softer way, in a way that feels a little “nicer”.
Offering Solutions While Maintaining Boundaries
Indeed, In some cases it may be helpful to offer solutions without compromising your boundaries. Setting boundaries doesn’t have to mean shutting down requests entirely—it’s about finding ways to protect yourself while still being collaborative.
What does this look like?
Sometimes simply saying no feels too awkward or seems uncollaborative or your a serial helper and need a soft landing to get started putting those boundaries in place…. In these instances when you need to say no, it’s helpful to offer an alternative solution or path forward. This shows that you’re still engaged and willing to help, but within the limits of your boundaries.
Example:
If someone asks for your help and you don’t want to help them in the moment but you want to leave the option open, instead of just saying no, you might say, “I’m tied up with my own work at the moment, but I’m happy to connect tomorrow to discuss how I can support you. Would that work?” This way, you’re not shutting them down, but you’re also not sacrificing your own priorities and you are getting them used to the idea that you aren’t always immediately available. And, again, as oftentimes people are asking us for help on something a bit urgent, this may encourage them to find another solution in the meantime. And you won’t be seen as being uncollaborative AND it’s likely a response your manager would be OK with.
Action Step:
To practice, think of a time when you had to decline a request or would have liked to decline the request. How could you have offered an alternative solution that maintained your boundary but still helped the other person? Think about how your response makes you feel - it should feel natural and satisfying. If not, keep practicing until you find the right formula that works for you. Keep it around for reference so that you have it handy when you see that person who always asks for help coming your way.
Summary of Learning Points
Remember, setting boundaries isn’t about being unhelpful or rigid—it’s about protecting your time, energy and focus so you can lead and perform at your best.
Here’s a reminder of those key points to remember:
- Set clear, consistent rules: Establish boundaries that protect your time and energy, and communicate them clearly to your team. Consistency is crucial—once you’ve set the rules, stick to them, and people will learn quickly that if they want your help that they should ask only under the right conditions.
- Say no without guilt: Saying no doesn’t make you selfish—it allows you to focus on what’s most important. Practice saying no politely and firmly, while offering support when it’s feasible. It will be much easier to do if you have already thought about guiding principles for when you want to help others as this will give you conviction and confidence in saying no.
- Offer solutions while maintaining boundaries: When you need to set a boundary, you can try to offer an alternative solution that keeps the door open for future collaboration without compromising your priorities, but make sure that if you offer this solution that you are ready to follow through, or you will lose credibility.
By applying these strategies, you’ll find that setting boundaries not only protects your time and energy but also builds respect from your colleagues and your team.
I hope today’s episode has helped you rethink how you set and maintain boundaries. Remember, boundaries aren’t barriers—they’re the framework that allows you to thrive, be productive, and show up as the best version of yourself. They are also the way to share the rules of “your” working style with others so that everyone can understand one another. It’s like another form of work communication.
This week, I encourage you to pick just one area of your work or life where you can start setting a clear boundary. It doesn’t have to be big—maybe it’s blocking off time on your calendar for focused work or saying no to one small request that doesn’t align with your priorities. The more you practice, the easier it becomes.
In the Next episode, we’re going to talk about Speaking Up in Meetings: How to Make Your Voice Heard. If you’ve ever struggled with speaking up in meetings, this episode will help you find your voice.
As always, if you want a career and life that makes you happy, be mindful of what you’re doing and take deliberate actions every day. Don’t just survive—take steps to thrive! I look forward to speaking with you again soon. Until next time, may you be healthy, wealthy, and wise!